yo mama is so fat her blood type is ragu

how can you tell if a guy in texas is well hung?
cus you can jussssst about slide your fingers in between his neck and the noose

did you hear about the blond who drowned?
somebody put a scratch n sniff tile on the bottom of her swimming pool!

yo mama is so stupid it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes!

hope these make you i can’t type the funniest joke i ever heard it would get deleted lol
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a husband is helping his wife set a password on her computer, he types in MYPENIS..
and then she died of laughter when the screen said "sorry not long enough…."
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Think of SNL! Tina Fey is funny and fun!
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why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
because it was dead.

whats the difference between a jew and a canoe?
the canoe will eventually tip.
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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing, she’s already been told twice.

Sorry. It’s the only joke I ever remember!
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While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they’re intelligent. "I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."

She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?" Tony Blair responds ,"It’s me, ma’am."

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"

"Yes ma’am. Thanks a lot. I’ll definitely be using that!"

Upon returning to Washington, he decides he’d better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What ïs on your mind?"

"Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?"

Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. Helms immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.

"Now lookee here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Powell answers immediately, "It’s me, of course, you dumb cracker."
much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It’s Colin Powell!"

And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb shit, it’s Tony Blair!"lol
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the chicken want to get to the other side.
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k this lady wanted to go out with her friends. her husband said she could if she would be home by 12. she agrees and leaves.

at 3 she comes into the house, drunk as a skunk. she suddenly heard the cookoo clock chirp 3 times. she heard her husband stir and she thought quickly and chirped 9 more times. she is releaved, and goes to join her husband in bed.

The next morning, she wakes up with a terrible hang over and is resting her head on the table. her husband comes and hands her a cup of coffee. as he does, he says, " hey, we need a new cookoo clock…" when she asked why, he said, " well last night, i heard it chirp 3 times, say oh $hit, chirp 2 more times, giggle, chirp again, burp, chirp 4 more times, hiccup, then chirp 2 more tmes. then it tripped over the coffee table and farted…"
lol i was crackin up typin tht!
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Okay heres some ur mama jokes:

Yo mama so stupid it took her an hour to make minute maid>.<

Yo mama so fat that when a boy lost his paper airplane she pulled out Air Canada

Yo mama so old she had a picture of moses in her yearbook.

Yo mama so supid she asked what the number for 911 is

Yo mama so fat she takes her bath in the Pacific Ocean

Hope This makes u feel better

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me myself and i

Why was Edward jealous of Jacob?

Bella said he was hot.

Jacob: Hey Bella, what does Edward and a christmas tree have in common?
Bella: What, Jacob?
Jacob: Their balls are just for decoration!

Bella is….The snack that smiles back!

Jasper will never be a therapist cuz he already knows what you feel about that.

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You need to be a Twilighter to get these jokes! ROFL

There were two friends- one with a German Shepherd and the other with a Chihuahua. The guy with the German Shepherd says to his friend, "Let’s go over to that restaurant and get something to eat." The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us." His buddy replies, "Just follow my lead."

They walk over to the restaurant, and the guy with the German Shepherd puts on a pair of sunglasses and starts to walk in. The doorman says, "Sorry, sir, no pets allowed." The man with the German Shepherd contends, "You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." So the man at the door replies, "Come on in."

The buddy with the Chihuahua then puts on a pair of sunglasses and starts to walk in. Once again the doorman says, "Excuse me sir, no pets allowed." The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." The man at the door asks, "You have a Chihuahua as a seeing-eye dog?" To this, the owner of the Chihuahua remarks, "A Chihuahua? They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"
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