Ed Skintightly
I’m gonna be slingin Heinekensand Red Headed Slut all night! By the way, Did I tell you how much I squatted earlier today?  No?  Well I’ll let you guess , it’s a bit higher than my spermatozoan count.  You see this cutie next to me, she’s diggin my skin tight t-shirt engrossed around this cock-deisel frame.  Why else would she stay with a pathetic douchebag with what I have been told is a needle-dick?

Funny TShirts
I’m laughing having a blast.  I’m the guy you want to be at the bar.  As the expression goes, the men want to be me, the women want to be with me.  Is it the funny shirt sayings or the calm chill composure knowing that cute fiddling blonde spinner is just dying to get a piece of me.  I’ll leave with them apples, take her out for a nice seafood dinner party, and never call her back!

Gay Harvey
I’ll be the one sportin weather beatin croc’s with a pair of scraped up costa del mar’s hanging from my sun beaten redneck. I’ll have a cold landshark in my hand, but don’t for one second think that I’m only a few beers deep. No, no, no.  I have been boozing since your first piss this morning. You make the conclusion to share your big fish story with me. Bad move.  So you caught a big smallmouthbass, huh?  Well I caught a mammoth largemouth bass. Landed a mackerel? Well…I lit up a marlin. Hooked a whale? I made Moby Dick suck mine. You won’t win.

Offensive T-Shirts
You’ll discover that i’ll be putting off the “I f#ck on the first date” vibe. How? Because I felt that it was necessary to unveil it at the chucky cheese on my funny tshirts in a 9 inch font.  Where did your girlfriend go?  She’s “First Dating” me in the bouncy ball pit.  It’s not my fault that your hot daughters are pokin me on facebook, while i’m googling their yahoo. You call me a punk… but they just dig my offensive t-shirts.

Abercrombie & Bitch
Has this martini been shakin or stirred? Why?! Because the fiz bubbles will disrupt my washboard tummy.  Don’t razz me you silly excuse for a barkeeper.  I know the owner of this place and I’ll have you out on the street with the flick of my limp wrist joint.